One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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