Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
