She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
