Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway