a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.