did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.