your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude