Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
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Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts