i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
