Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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