Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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