i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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