Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
