I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
