PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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