Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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