addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
