how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
