I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize