maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
