Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween