Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad