What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize