u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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