my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize