this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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