you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
