do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
