I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
