I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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