i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Enjoy the penises
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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