Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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