omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
