so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
