Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
