I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.