she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?