and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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Just pee around me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.