Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
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I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme