I got chris browned last night
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel