I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I want is dick and wine.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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