I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
