just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she smelled like a LAN party
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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