Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
