my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize