I wish I could teleport
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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