this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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