remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
