Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
