my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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