My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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