oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
