The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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