I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
