Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
