i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once