Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.