Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.