i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
NoShamevember. You game?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.