i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.