literally had 100 drinks last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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