OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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