i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
