just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm at about main and main street
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
